For everyone who wasn’t paying attention last week, here are all the major headlines you missed.
Trump Physician Apologizes For Prescribing Wrong Drugs Since June Last Year
North Korea Desperate For Media Attention, Shows Kim Jong-un On Stage In Strip Club
GOP Sick of Trump, Now Pushing Taylor Swift, Beyoncé To Run As Independent
Congress Finally Signs Off On Parking Regulations for Oversized Spaceships
Iranian Flying Carpet Industry Booming After Lifted Trade Embargo
Man Refuses To Leave Airplane, Luggage Still Stuck In Overhead Bin After 6 Hours
HHS Warns Of Clinics Using Meat-Eating Plants For Budget Liposuction
500 Euro Bill Killed Off, 501 Euro Bill Much More Popular
Shiite Cleric Muqtada al-Sadr Dumped By Followers After Revealing Usage of Beard Extension
Jacob Zuma Denies Corruption Charges, Pisses Off South Africa With MTV Cribs Appearance
Really, that’s all you need to know.